Sex? Yes!

One of the great gifts of birth control is allowing us to have and enjoy sex without getting pregnant.

You too? Do tell.


I’ve spent many years waiting to join the ranks of MILFs.  To me, being a sexy mom is the day-to-day busting of the madonna-whore complex.  Our society often asks us to be either virginal nurturing saints or crazy sex kittens.  The MILF says we can be both.  As a new mom, feeding my baby with my breasts and then enjoying them later as a part of my pleasure centers can be seamless - as long as I don’t look at those two functions as diametrically opposed.  Its sex after all that gave rise to the baby!  An important part of being a sexy mom is BIRTH CONTROL.  There is NO WAY that my husband and I are ready for another baby at this point - either in terms of energy or finances.  We want to give her what we feel she deserves with out stressing out our family systems.  And let’s face it, parents who are having sex enjoy more intimacy, stress relief, and happiness.  Its our bond that serves as the container for our child’s rearing.  If we are happy, we can be the best parents we can be - modeling joy and loving relationships.  We would not be having sex if we didn’t have BIRTH CONTROL.  Also, BC gives us room to be intentional about when we will get pregnant again, thereby ensuring that we can plan to take care of our child/ren with adequate space, time, and resources.

I’m a wife and a mom, and birth control ensures that I’m the best I can be at both. How? Well, sex is part of a great marriage. Having the number of children that we can house, feed, and really attend to in all the ways that matter is also part of having a great marriage. It also is part of being a great (well, okay, at least a decent) mom. I have to have enough energy to really commit to being with a little person — to listen, to watch, to play, to cuddle. I am 100% committed to making that commitment. That means, without birth control, my husband and I would be out of luck on the sex front, at least until we couldn’t stand it, and then, if we had sex, we would be waiting and worrying, wondering whether or not we were going to have a child that we knew we could not manage in a way that would make us proud. In what world is that a good plan for the long term sustainability of our family? Sex is fabulous. It can be deep intimacy. It can be a generous gift. It can be important information about how beautiful you are, even when you don’t see it. The reality is that it has consequences, and birth control can help women manage those consequences so that they and their children can have the best lives possible. Every woman has the right to have that opportunity. Period. 

Wishing my friends and family the sex they want

Its actually embarrassing how little I know about birth control because I’ve never had sex with someone who could get me pregnant.  What I do know is that I have some friends and family who like sex, some who don’t like it so much, some who only have sex with long-term partners, some who like to have sex with lots of different people.  I have some friends and family who have experienced their sexuality as a joyful, fun, playful part of their lives and some who have been very hurt in the context of sexuality.  I wish each and every one of my friends and family the possibility that they can have what they desire and the tools they need to fulfill those desires without shame, danger or unnecessary risk.

stop worrying and start doing it

I had acne, terrible menstrual cramps, and irregular periods as an adolescent, and being both vain and an active student, I wanted to get rid of these things. So I braved the unlabeled entry way with the screening intercom at the teen clinic, and got a prescription for free birth control pills. This was before I was having sex.

After a few months, my acne cleared, my cramps diminished, and my periods came at regular intervals. Sometime after that, I started dating and having sex. I’d been taught that condoms and birth control worked even better in tandem, and I felt safe knowing that I’d neither get sick nor pregnant from banging my boyfriend.

These days, I use condoms. Though I’ve no trouble discussing their importance, the best thing ever is when the person I want to fuck brings them up first. It’s like they’re telling me “You’re hot AND I give a shit about making sure your life goes the way you want.”